The power of "I am"

I see myself getting lost in a sad story, repeating it as if it were my mantra.  I see that sad story adding new chapters, growing like a tumor encompassing all areas of my life.  It starts with "I am broke" and creeps into "I am scared" which then infest any area of weakness.  So I proclaim that this sad story is about to have a happy ending.  I will from this moment forward focus on the positive and ignore the negative.  I will start a new story with every chapter full of rainbows and lollipops.  Wanna here it?... Here it go....

Once upon a time I was studying for my 200 hour yoga teacher training test, I am like a sponge, all the information is just soaking in with hardly any effort, it just made sense!  As I was studying for this test I was lucky enough to find a nice affordable room owned by a very nice lady, in which to teach the primary series of ashtanga yoga.  Everyone who came to my class left calmer, happier and full of gratitude for the gift I had given them.  It only took me a few short weeks before I had all the postures, transitions, modifications and adjustments down to a science.  It just flowed!  Then with the anatomy and philosophy locked in my brain I set off to take the test.  As I started reading over the questions, my first thought was, "wow, really? This is what I was so worried about? I got this?" I finish the test in record time, gave some love to the girls in the studio and set off to create my own style of yoga.... "Joy Yoga" I carefully selected postures, breathing techniques, music and incense.  I am so excited to share this new style of yoga with my students, I said.  I know it will unlock their mind and spirit as well as mine, allowing all of us to connect with each other and the universe.  I see these happy people hug me as they leave my class with an expression of bliss and peacefulness promising to tell all their friends they have to come to "Joy Yoga".... and they do!  My classes are too full for this small room now, and I start looking for a bigger place...... to be cont.

The sky is falling

I feel as though the sky is falling and realize that most people have been feeling like this for a while now.  I know that I am lucky to be one of the last to feel the burn of this economy.  Aware of all that is joy in my life.  My healthy body and mind, my happy children, my strong marriage, yet still haunted by a underlying fear.  Fear of what? Loss.  Loss of a business my husband has put his heart and soul into, not to mention all our savings, retirement and kids college money.  Loss of our home, three mortgage payments behind now even after a modification was done in September.  Understanding that these are all material things, things I should not be attached to is easy for me.  I keep telling myself "It is always darkest before the dawn", that "Everything happens for a reason" and that this will all lead us to a better place.  The place we really want to be... The beach, a simpler life.  The answer is never to be worried or scared, it is always to "do the best you can, from where you are, with what you have".  But am I doing all I can?  Am I working hard enough?  Should I just go get a job at Starbucks or something?  Would that help make my 2300.00 house payment? How much would I really bring home after shoving Debra into daycare to do her homework with strangers?  I want to teach yoga.  I need my certificate and am putting off studying because I feel like I need to make money now.  So I find a place to rent cheap, and try to get my license and insurance in place only to have my sons car break down and have to spend the money on that instead.  Why?  Am I putting that cart before the horse? Should I just concentrate on getting my cert. so that I can teach anywhere I can pick up a class?  Even if I could borrow the 1500.00 dollars it would take to start teaching right away, should I?  Am I swimming against the current?  Honestly I don't know if I should feel panic or excitement.  Something is about to break and we will be on a new path.  Either I will get my cert and find myself loving what I do and making money at it, or, my husband will be forced to put a resume on monster.com and we will end up in a new city... maybe by the beach, or... or....?  One thing is for sure, the universe is a friendly place and it is always working on my best interest.  It know better than I the path for my happiness.  I am an eternal optimist and so I will change the title of the blog from The sky is falling to The clouds are parting and I will spend the rest of my day, using the words, "I get to" instead of "I have to" so now I sign off because I get to go study for my yoga cert.  Love to all.