I face fears daily and forge through the challenges of self doubt. I drive across town to train to become a yoga instructor, into a class with women 20 years my junior. I step on the pedals with shaking legs thinking "I could just turn around, go home and take a nap" what 45 year old does this? Why am I putting myself through this? But I keep driving, because I know, "no risk, no reward".
The reward I am hoping for is to share what I learn about the connection of mind, body and spirit with the universe. How we are all connected. That "god" or "cosmic energy" or "prana" lies within all of us. I hope to help others realize that religious text should be taken as philosophy not literature. That we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around. The biggest reward will be the change I make in myself. A new me, no longer battling depression or anxiety. No more self doubt. Letting "love be my religion". I will stop trying to swim up stream, because I will finally accept that everything I could ever want is along the banks of the river on which I am already floating.
Oh, I have so much to learn. I do not want to preach. How can I? I still have my own demons to fight. Still smoking a few cigarettes a day, still taking an occasional zanax to quite my mind. These are things I know are contrary to everything I am trying to teach and learn. But I keep doing them. Is my will to stay the same, stronger than my will to change?
2 comments:
Very nice. It will be great to be able to follow you on your journey.
I most appreciate your honesty in your writing style, its ok to be human...but to search for and to dream about new opportunities and ways of thinking. I think life will always be a search and never will your work be finished. Be satisfied with the fact that there isn't necessarily an answer and there isn't necessarily a solution. Maybe the closest we can come to an answer or a solution is to be satisfied that there isn't either. The best approach is what we see in a child...the hunger and wonder of learning, and the open and unassuming mind. Life is like an ocean and we are everyone adrift. Those who want to pretend they are in control only do so as to not face the facts and to deny in the strongest terms that they truly aren't. We all are given gifts of talent and opportunity and certainly how we act on those can change the direction in which we drift, but we continue to drift. Be comfortable there and all is well.
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